He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
