12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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