I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
