So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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