Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
