I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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