I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
