your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
