I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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