the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Randomize
