She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
vagina is talking i cant
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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