we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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