maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize