...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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