i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize