Your mouth is God's brothel.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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