Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
