i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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