just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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