She's JV to your varsity
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
