So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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