I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize