marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
