She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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