you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
