dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
