planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
