I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize