So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
