lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
