we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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