I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
