I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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