there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
