also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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