He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Randomize
