I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
