So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i would punch a child for taco bell
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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