god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
