So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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