i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
