you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
