Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize