Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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