turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
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