talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
