Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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