I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
