Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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