the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
