my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
