I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
