vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
