Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
