That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
pray to the hookup gods
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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