It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
