You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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