I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
