Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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