She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
