I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
