I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
