Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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