Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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