What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
