ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
