The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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