Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
