I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
