Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
