when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
