I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
