What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
