i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
