i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
