I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
