Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is it penis luge time yet?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
